top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]Seymore_Buttz 5090 points5091 points  (193 children)

Shoes in the water. Makes me very uncomfortable

[–]DetJohnSpartan 10.0k points10.0k points  (133 children)

He can't feel them anyways

[–]poopellar 3794 points3795 points  (46 children)

You burned a man underwater. Congrats.

[–]In_Fight_Club 279 points280 points  (27 children)

[–]Quiddity99 79 points80 points  (6 children)

That's Zach Anner there, great guy and a hell of a funny comedian. Here he is questing for a rainbow bagel, and here's his youtube channel.

[–]FaustoPerez 27 points28 points  (7 children)

Whats the first rule in Fight Club?

[–]DankeyKang11 136 points137 points  (7 children)

He can't feel it anyways.

[–]suity 119 points120 points  (6 children)

Only reason he can't feel it is because it was a low blow.

[–]Freefight 257 points258 points  (12 children)

[–]Mitchdotcom 91 points92 points  (1 child)

[–]Mike-Oxenfire 15 points16 points  (0 children)


[–]PunTwoThree 83 points84 points  (9 children)

[–]buttononmyback 23 points24 points  (8 children)

What is this from? I love it.

[–]Axxeli 19 points20 points  (2 children)

Survivor. Couldn't tell you which one though.

[–]buttononmyback 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Do you have any idea what they're reacting to?

[–]Oizzy 12 points13 points  (0 children)

The leader of the other team got voted off the show.

[–]Shiba-Shiba 376 points377 points  (43 children)

We learned how to swim with our normal school clothes on, including shoes. That's how most drowned kids are dressed... Surprisingly it gets easier with a little practice, and clothes make damned good training weights!

[–]tomatoaway 483 points484 points  (22 children)

Jesus. You must be pretty good at drowning kids then

[–]RyGuy_42 255 points256 points  (21 children)

It's the Casey Anthony School of Swimming.

[–]doobieschnauzer 64 points65 points  (8 children)

Andrea Yates did it first #h-town #holditdown

[–]s4in7 39 points40 points  (2 children)

This...this one's the worst.

You win.

[–]Jade_Pornsurge 39 points40 points  (1 child)

The Susan Smith School of Swimming

[–]DeflatedDolphin 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Where do I sign up?

[–][deleted] 60 points61 points  (5 children)

We did this as kids too, wore a swim suit underneath and had to learn to get out of heavy clothes while in the water in case we were stuck for a while.

[–]Sloppy1sts 36 points37 points  (4 children)

In Cub Scouts, we tied our jeans' legs together and blew air into them to use as a shitty life vest.

[–]Hex4Nova 20 points21 points  (3 children)

If it's stupid and it works, it ain't stupid.

please tell me it worked

[–]hankhillforprez 37 points38 points  (2 children)

We had to do this at camp as well. They even taught us how to use your clothes as a sort of makeshift, temporary flotation device.

[–]Still_Putting_It_Off 63 points64 points  (1 child)

Did that in the Navy. Shirts were so tightly woven you tied the sleeves in a knot, and threw it over your head to fill it with air. You just had to splash water on it occasionally to keep the air in. Worked great.

[–]kshucker 43 points44 points  (0 children)

in the Navy

Username checks out

source: am navy veteran.

[–]Derik_D 17 points18 points  (8 children)


[–]factbasedorGTFO 70 points71 points  (7 children)

Dutch kids are taught how to build a dyke around them, and pump the water out.

[–]vetch222 38 points39 points  (2 children)

Being gay isn't a choice, you can't just BUILD a dyke

[–]e-JackOlantern 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Did you ever hear the story of the boy who saved his whole town by sticking his finger in a dyke?

[–]Dr-Pepper-Phd 40 points41 points  (4 children)

We use to wear our shoes all the time when we went cliff jumping. Doesn't hurt when you hit the water when you wear shoes.

[–]BBQ_HaX0r 33 points34 points  (1 child)

I use water shoes. That way no icky gross things touch my feet.

[–]zirtbow 309 points310 points  (55 children)

In case anyone else was wondering how he swims without use of his legs I looked up a video of him in action. Very impressive... kinda surprised he lost as he was going so strong on the lap back.


[–]lonestarhandy 534 points535 points  (22 children)

This isn't much of a surprise to those who are familiar with competitive swimming. You can generate a ton of propulsion in the water without actively kicking your legs. It's all about undulating your chest and hips and letting the legs just kind of go with the flow.

Or, as my swim coach used to say when I bent my knees too much during dolphin kick -- "Dolphins don't have knees, dumbass."

[–]dfschmidt 259 points260 points  (9 children)

"Dolphins don't have knees, dumbass."

TIL that this is true.

What is also true is that they have a way longer spinal column. You should have responded to your swim coach thus: "Dolphins have a way longer spine and a fluke, dumbass."

[–]ZeusHatesTrees 69 points70 points  (1 child)

I hate it when I think of the perfect response 8 years later.

[–]lonestarhandy 78 points79 points  (2 children)

You should have responded to your swim coach thus: "Dolphins have a way longer spine and a fluke, dumbass."

Yeah except he was intimidating as fuck and probably would have just slapped me. This was back in the day when certain coaching styles were still tolerated.

[–]LakeEffectSnow 26 points27 points  (8 children)

Actually this guy is even more badass as he is a breastroker. Breaststroke in competition is the most leg driven stroke of any style. And his 100m time of 1:36 is much faster than the vast majority of non competitive able bodied swimmers can manage doing freestyle.

[–][deleted] 54 points55 points  (22 children)

Um, can I point out that not all of these guys have the same disability. I mean, some are missing hands, others can't walk. Is there a disability ranking list which gives you points depending on how disabled you are? How would you measure that?

[–]zirtbow 29 points30 points  (14 children)

I thought about that but I assumed to get to this level you probably have to have some qualifying time at some crazy high range most disable athletes wouldn't be able to get to. I assume again that's why it's pretty close overall. I mean look at the guy who won missing his hands.. he was neck and neck w/ Tsapatakis who can't use his legs. So to say certain disabilities gets more of an advantage probably isn't as safe as just going w/ qualifying times showing what they're capable of.

[–]LakeEffectSnow 43 points44 points  (10 children)

That video was a final. All swim meets have heats in the morning where the top 8 fastest times advance. So these are the 8 fastest people competing.

Most people can't swim 100m without stopping. These disabled athletes are going 1:35-1:45 in the slowest competitive stroke. Most of the fully able bodied people posting in this thread would be dead last in that race.

[–]JiminyN 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yeah there is, in the title it says they're in the SB4 category. It's quite complicated to ascertain which category is appropriate, but in essence even though they have slightly different disabilities they've been determined to have similar detrimental effects on their swimming ability. It's not just to do with their times.

[–]deezy105 4 points5 points  (0 children)

There is a classification system for Para Swimming, as with most sports in the Paralympics. The athlete has to be classified to determine who they will compete against, so athletes with different disabilities can compete against each other if they have a similar degree of 'activity limitation' that is determined by a classifier.

In World Para Swimming, athletes are grouped by the degree of activity limitation resulting from an impairment. These groups are called ‘sport classes’. The process of classification determines which athletes are eligible to compete in World Para Swimming and how athletes are grouped together for competition.

You can read more about the classifications on the IPC's website.

[–]Billypillgrim 5240 points5241 points  (129 children)

Glad to see this is a paralympic athlete. I assumed this was Christian rock.

[–]Arittin 1684 points1685 points  (40 children)

Jesus take the wheels of my chair

[–]SoDakZak 464 points465 points  (33 children)

Even Jesus didn't walk underwater

[–]Gareesuhn 231 points232 points  (11 children)

Jesus could walk on water, but could he swim on land?

[–]NiggyWiggyWoo 76 points77 points  (12 children)

[–]JiffierBot 42 points43 points  (4 children)

To aid mobile users, I'll fix gfycat links to spare bandwidth from choppy gifs.

~9.0x smaller: http://gfycat.com/ImportantEmbellishedBushbaby

Original submission (92.0 Karma): Jesus, that is such a party foul

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[–]parlez-vous 15 points16 points  (3 children)

Good bot

[–]GoodBot_BadBot 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Thank you parlez-vous for voting on JiffierBot.

This bot wants to find the best and worst bots on Reddit. You can view results here.

[–]decoyq 15 points16 points  (4 children)

unless you were like underwater man and then he was walking on the surface of the water that met the air...

[–]Sven2774 158 points159 points  (3 children)

To quote Hank Hill "You aren't making Christianity better, you're just making Rock worse"

[–]gollyGwilikers 195 points196 points  (16 children)

With arms wide opennnnnnnnnnnn

[–]Enonomiss 105 points106 points  (9 children)

Hunder the sunlight

[–]Waadap 79 points80 points  (8 children)

Wulcalmb toooooo this a-plaaaayce

[–]ferretface26 45 points46 points  (7 children)

I'll show you ehveryyy thiiiing

[–]NeverTopComment 48 points49 points  (4 children)


[–]BunnyStrider 42 points43 points  (3 children)


[–]Froggin-Bullfish 11 points12 points  (1 child)

This damn thread was funny, but your comment killed me

[–]kamakazekiwi 19 points20 points  (0 children)


[–]decode1101 21 points22 points  (4 children)

temba, his arms wide

[–]keepchill 164 points165 points  (8 children)

My precious child, it was then that I breathed for you.

[–]Lucky_Number_3 147 points148 points  (7 children)

“Then God said, ‘Let it be lit fam,’ and it was so.”

[–]poopellar 21 points22 points  (3 children)

"Keep prayin, prayin, prayin"

[–]Animatedreality 22 points23 points  (2 children)

"Stay woke Holy Spirit."

[–]Mr_Flint_Stone 80 points81 points  (5 children)

Christian Rock, Chris Rock's religious counterpart.

[–]secretvimle 29 points30 points  (3 children)

I was honestly thinking, "Who the fuck is chirstian rock? never heard of him."

[–]darealfuccboi 21 points22 points  (9 children)

[–]Dankey_kang91 41 points42 points  (7 children)

Not gonna lie. I have a special place in my heart for some classic Jars of Clay.

[–]ChilieMacPalmer 10 points11 points  (3 children)

Thank you for making me laugh today. Sincerely.

[–]elpajaroquemamais 58 points59 points  (3 children)

Faith Plus One: I'm gonna get down on my knees, and start pleasin' Jesus.

[–]Cheesedoodlerrrr 25 points26 points  (0 children)

"I want to feel his sweet salvation all over my face!"

[–]StarkRavingNormal 11.2k points11.2k points  (185 children)

idk how the Paralympics works. But he doesn't seem to be that good at swimming.

[–]Cthulhuhoop 4268 points4269 points  (128 children)

Like the regular Olympics but they jump out of a plane.

[–]low_hanging_nuts 1025 points1026 points  (79 children)

Battle Royale?

[–]sneaklepete 580 points581 points  (60 children)

Fewer deaths, more lifelong injuries.

[–]MooseWolf2000 441 points442 points  (58 children)

Death is a lifelong injury.

[–]ihadanamebutforgot 177 points178 points  (41 children)


[–]FaustoPerez 117 points118 points  (35 children)

Confirmed, have been dying for 33 years.

It's painful, I wouldn't recommended for anyone attempting to enter this detrimenting experience we call life.

[–]Foktu 50 points51 points  (15 children)

I've been dying since I was born. However, I live my life a quarter mile at a time.

[–]FaustoPerez 41 points42 points  (1 child)

[–]RedSox1978 15 points16 points  (0 children)

In Dom's voice....this shit had me rolling.

[–]JamesTrendall 9 points10 points  (0 children)

You should really stop abusing oxygen. It's a nasty drug and causes prolonged suffering.

There's a clinic in Sweden that can help. Just go check yourself in and enjoy the sweet sweet smoothie they bring you.

[–]dfschmidt 43 points44 points  (1 child)

Royale with cheese

[–]LanDannon 127 points128 points  (9 children)

Player Unknown's Paralympics

[–]UptownShenanigans 38 points39 points  (7 children)

Probably would make the first 5 minutes pretty funny while you watch paralyzed people punch each other to death since they can't make it to a house to get a gun

[–]GeorgieWashington 29 points30 points  (5 children)

Plot twist: Their legs are fine. They're all paralyzed from the shoulders out.

[–]Samafoof 25 points26 points  (3 children)

You have to whip the camera around to get their arms going.

[–]329514 21 points22 points  (10 children)

Just land on whatever part of your body that doesn't work.

[–]emanresol 58 points59 points  (8 children)

Wouldn't work for me. Kinda hard to hit the ground penis-first.

[–]doalittletapdance 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Well not with that attitude

[–]dfschmidt 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Did you already have a list of burn centers nearby before your self-burn?

[–]Wootery 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Ah, the Paras' Olympics.

[–]factbasedorGTFO 151 points152 points  (34 children)

Then how did his wheel chair get so far from the starting blocks?

[–]HopeSandoval 459 points460 points  (25 children)

[–]CrudelyAnimated 48 points49 points  (0 children)

I wasn't too sure what I was expecting, but this was better.

[–]branovalenzuela 153 points154 points  (14 children)

[–]ihadanamebutforgot 38 points39 points  (6 children)

That's actually a rare good call.

[–]ThatZBear 37 points38 points  (5 children)

It's actually a shopping cart.

[–]ihadanamebutforgot 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Oh shit you're absolutely right, I didn't even realize that after I quit watching.

[–]HopeSandoval 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Close enough I figured :/

[–]nyost27 35 points36 points  (1 child)

Is his handicap jeans?

[–]Kriket308 254 points255 points  (12 children)

As a paraplegic, this image makes me happy. What a great idea for a photo shoot.

[–]BboyEdgyBrah 63 points64 points  (5 children)

you should totally copy it. id imagine it'd be pretty cool to have a picture of yourself like that

[–]thesheepinyourcloset 879 points880 points  (22 children)

He looks so free, it's beautiful.

[–]cheapdad 408 points409 points  (13 children)

Agreed. As a photograph, this is awesome. The best photos are ones that either 1) tell a story or 2) make you feel something. This does both.

[–]Crumbletoast 166 points167 points  (10 children)

Tell me more of your experiences as a photograph, it would be really interesting to know how it feels to be paper-thin and weigh less than an ounce

[–]meppsman 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Photograph here. It's pretty fun.

[–]bilka2 15 points16 points  (4 children)

The feeling when you are free like that is incredible. I only spent 1 and a half years on crutches, yet the moment when I could put on my inline skates and just go was extremely liberating. It felt like flying; I was so fast and it was so fun!

[–]strokesurviver52 72 points73 points  (3 children)

As a physical therapist, I worked with a paralympic butterfly swimmer and 100 Meter bronze winner Mr. Mike Brown back in the 80's. Brown was a high level incomplete quad. He drove his adapted car and took care of his personal needs independently. His problem was that while he swam, his body would float behind him with toes closer to the pool bottom and if the water was shallow he'd end up dragging the top of his feet along the tiled floor and would end up bleeding. I was contacted by his coach to help come up with a way to protect his feet without wearing shoes that caused drag; he couldn't use anything when he competed. We had to come up with a way to protect his feet in training - we put large sheets of clear medical tape over the top of areas inclined to be damaged as he swam. I had to help him figure out how to bind his feet safely(so he could apply on his own.) In fact, unlike this photo, the only time Brown could stand and put weight on his feet was upright in the pool. In this photo you'll note the man has no weight bearing thru his ankles, he's barely got his body underneath him. With Brown I'd hold his body upright while he worked on trying to take steps using buoyancy, he could control his body just enough to bear a bit of weight on both feet. I'd also have to protect his catheter bag from floating away while he practised his swimming, so I'd stuffed them into a garbage bag and seal it off preventing water from getting the bag. When he swam He'd remove the catheter from it's hookup and just pinched it off using a clamp.
In case you don't know, when in the water your center of balance changes due to oxygen in the lungs, your gravity line is thru your rib cage and head and neck while legs have no center of gravity for someone who doesn't use the legs like a quad. While swimming he was in a face-down supine position and that would affect his center of gravity again (he had light sensation in his trunk, but just no control.) WE soon learned to let him train wearing knee high socks into which I had sewn into some polyethylene fabric to protect his toes - this is the same kind of foam suits deep divers use. The faster he swam the less his toes dragged on the pool bottom and soon we soon noted his legs were dragging behind him at the top of the water. When he stopped he'd pull his legs down under himself and bear weight thru his ribcage, pelvis and legs. We had only one pool that was over 6' deep at it's most shallow in the city and we practised there in the early mornings (I'm only 5'2".)
Brown went back to school after the Asian Paralympics and got his degree in Occupational therapy, and from my understanding is doing very well on his own now. I was always amazed to see how easy it was for him to climb out of a pool using just his arms. I miss those days now that I'm retired.

[–]SidearmAustin 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Had I not seen the size of the post and recognized it as 3x to large to be the case I would have been expecting a /u/shittymorph moment.

[–]Spartan2470 150 points151 points  (5 children)

Here is a higher resolution version of this image.

[–]ugotamesij 7 points8 points  (0 children)

And another post about the same guy (in OP's defence, it's a different photo from the same set).

[–]suivid 531 points532 points  (25 children)

Why are you taking a picture? Can't you see he is drowning? Help him!

[–]DiChatz0707[S] 75 points76 points  (2 children)

sorry...too good a photo op to ruin it by saving him...

[–]I_like_your_reddit 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Really your job as a photographer is to document reality. If you save him from drowning, you jeopardize your role as a true neutral observer.

[–]RespectMyAuthoriteh 596 points597 points  (70 children)

Speaking of paralympian swimmers, here's Daniela Gimenez from Argentina:
[NSFW for artistic nudity]

[–]gropingforelmo 394 points395 points  (16 children)

Maybe it's just my dude-brain, but I completely missed what made her a Paralympian the first couple times.

[–]nicotron 161 points162 points  (9 children)

I took a solid look at all 3 pictures and never noticed her missing hand. jesus

[–]Jrdedolce 72 points73 points  (7 children)

I had to go back after reading your comment

[–]medalleaf- 8 points9 points  (5 children)

So do they find people all with the same disadvantage? Like a a swim competition where everybodys missing a hand?


Do they find people with a variety of different disadvantages? Say a swim competition where a swimmer is missing a whole leg, and others are missing other body parts or are otherwise disabled

[–]Zeiramsy 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Disadvantages are grouped into classes of different handicaps.

They then have a race for each handicap class, so instead of only 2x100m golds (m/f) they might have many more.

In team competitions teams get a total of handicap points and have to assemble teams of people that are within the limit.

[–]swolemedic 15 points16 points  (0 children)

You are not alone. I had to look at every photo and then look at the limbs before i found it

[–]Raedek 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Stumped me as well

[–]kesmyr 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My girl brain did it too.

[–]Reborn-leech 237 points238 points  (33 children)

What's her disability ?

[–]cob_time 381 points382 points  (24 children)

uuuh look at her arm?

[–]poopellar 303 points304 points  (9 children)

How can she slap?

[–]Reddit_Novice 168 points169 points  (4 children)


[–]madeitaboutbutts 72 points73 points  (2 children)

With her butt.

[–]fallen1102 19 points20 points  (0 children)

"I can make your hands cla... Oh... Well this is awkward"

[–]cob_time 19 points20 points  (0 children)


[–]alphyna 30 points31 points  (1 child)

Wow. Honestly, I haven't noticed either.

[–]DADBODGOALS 122 points123 points  (4 children)

She has arms? Didn't notice.

[–]burp_master 57 points58 points  (5 children)

/r/pegging would be enthused by this.

[–]RespectMyAuthoriteh 55 points56 points  (0 children)

She's right-handed

[–]ThisGuy751 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Well we know where your focus was

[–]BlackTieButtPlug 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She's all-right.

[–]phreevo 31 points32 points  (2 children)

From Argentina

[–]bobthebobofbob 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Are there "degrees" of disabilities at the Paralympics? Like would she ever be racing someone that had no legs or was paralyzed from the waist down, or would they try to keep it closer to someone with her level of disability? It seems like it might be hard to keep things fair with how many different ways a person can be disabled.

[–]CharliesSpikeBat 100 points101 points  (6 children)

This looks like a badass album cover. Just saying.

[–]13-Petter 14 points15 points  (3 children)

Ray William Johnson is that you?

[–]ironman61d 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Funny story about Antonis: Some thieves stole the wheels of his car, he made a facebook post about it and how he wished that nobody ever is in such a difficult situation that has to steal a Paralympian's car's wheels, and a couple days later the thieves returned the wheels to him.

[–]Indefinita 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Hey look, a decently composed picture on r/pics! Thanks OP

[–]uMunthu 37 points38 points  (1 child)

Tone down the light, put it in black and white and it might look like a murder was just committed.

[–]cxzhu1 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Wet jeans make me so uncomfortable

[–]toothpastetastesgood 6 points7 points  (0 children)

He's also Greek which makes it even more awesome considering the Olympics were created in Greece...

[–]LuxLoser 7 points8 points  (2 children)

There's another one where he's looking down defiantly at the chair. I personally like that one better.

[–]but_why_is_it_itchy 8 points9 points  (1 child)

.....are you going to share it with us or no?

[–]HugePurpleNipples 5 points6 points  (1 child)

"Hope that's a nice picture, how about a little help jackass?"

[–]onceuponathrow 6 points7 points  (0 children)

filters by controversial

Surprisingly not bad. Good job reddit.

[–]Noctyrnus 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I see comments joking about him drowning, and about having his shoes on...but no one asks "did he remember to take his phone out of his pocket before the photo shoot?" Because that expression says "hey, I don't have a waterproof phone, remember?"

[–]TeamMarineSupreme 127 points128 points  (18 children)

[–]DiChatz0707[S] 148 points149 points  (11 children)

shit, I tried to search for it before posting, and failed!

[–]Tcloud 165 points166 points  (3 children)

It's of the same subject during the same shoot, but it's a different image all together.

So, technically, it's not a repost of the exact image.

[–]BloodyFreeze 14 points15 points  (0 children)

It has been decided. This is hereby declared, NOT a repost. You are free to carry on wasting time on Reddit. However, all toilets in this realm shall now be known as DiChatz.

[–]MadJack_42 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Yes..but I wouldn't say the same about that "slice of Aloe Vera" post..

[–]lancebaldwin 25 points26 points  (0 children)

To be fair that person had a nonsense title.

[–]Microthrowaway64 27 points28 points  (1 child)

To be fair, you used a better title than "Special Olympics" person.

Apparently they have never heard of the Paralympics... or the difference between the two.

[–]jessemaner 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Also he said special Olympics. Not para

[–]Bau5_Sau5 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah and that post is calling this guy a special Olympics athlete

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You might never walk again, but you can fly.

[–]blthecamera 4 points5 points  (0 children)

lotta shitty jokes on this thread by people who probably haven't imagined the balls it takes to go into a pool, nevertheless an olympic sized pool, nevertheless the deep end of the olympic sized pool, when half your body doesn't behave as you wish it would.

[–]Erisadesu 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I prefer him like this...I served him once, he is a nice guy.